Last week I was having a really hard week. On Wed. I got asked to go sign a paper for Henslee and when I looked at it it tore my heart open again. The wound that was slowly sealing was ripped open and hurting. I know it's no ones fault for that, but man did it hurt. I cried and cried and cried that night. I called Jaymie because I needed to see her. I haven't asked them for a visit out of the blue until that night. I needed it so bad. I needed to hold her in my arms and know that I did the right thing. I miss her with every inch of my body and it feels like it hurts me more then it does for some other girls that have done this. My non-mormon friends all told me that I would never be able to place her because I am a person who keeps people close to her heart and is a warmhearted person. I told them that even though I didn't want to I was doing it for her not me. I dunno if the other girls are like that, but all i know is that I am hurting and the place I feel is so deep with sorrow it's frightening. I get up and do things day to day because I want to move on, I don't sit and mope in my misery. I get out and do things, but it doesn't stop the hurt. Everyone says time heals, but why can't time speed the heck up!!! Anyways, back to my story... So I called Jaymie and she was SOOOO sweet to me!!! She told me that I was more then welcome to come over and she was so happy that I called!!!! I was so excited to hear that!!! I went right over in the morning. Henslee was all smily and happy to see me!!! It was soooo cute!!! I love her smile!!! She looks JUST LIKE MATT!! It's crazy!!! I held her so tight!!! I love her sOOOOSSOOSOO much!!! words can not even explain how I feel about her! She is my hero and my everything. I sometimes think that maybe I should stop seeing her, but on thursday when I saw her it gave me hope and renewal that I needed so BAD!!! I love her so much and wish she knew me the way i know her.
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