I did it for her....

My friend who just placed her baby a week ago just texted me and said "Why is this so hard." I wish I knew what words to say to help her. I told her that she is going to be in the lowest of lows for a while and that's okay to hurt. It's normal, but she is the only one that can pull herself out of the pain. Only her... I wish there was more I could do or say to make her feel better, but there is nothing. I want to make her happy again. I almost wanted to tell her not to do it in the hospital, but I can't make that decision for anyone. I told her that we are going to hang out a lot more and I am going to hopefully be there for her through everything!! I feel so bad for her. She just sent me another text saying "I most definitely wouldn't have wanted this any other way. I love him enough to give him the life he deserves regardless of the pain." I think this girl is 16, she placed only 6 days ago and just said that. She is in a better place then me. But I guess the Lord is still holding her hand. The Lord held mine for a while, then I think he thought I was ready to do it on my own and he let go. When he let go is when I crashed into a pit so deep that I don't know how to get out. He want's to see if i can make it i guess. I just want to tell him to carry me again!!! I can't do this!!!! I need him not only to help me, but carry me. Take ALL my load. I feel bad to ask that, but I'm in so much pain it takes so much energy. I hurt. I wish this upon NO ONE!

I also just found out that this little girl I nanny's parents are getting a divorce!!! Why is this happening!?! I just wish divorce wouldn't happen. It breaks my heart for this little girl!

Why does pain happen? I pray everyday that through these hard times the Lord is with those who need him. I see hurt and pain every where I turn. I want to comfort, but I don't know how. Everyone has to do it on there own.

I guess the main reason why I am having such a hard time with this is because Henslee would have been in a good situation. I would have done EVERYTHING to make her life the best possible. I am a GOOD MOM!!! I have wanted to be a mom my WHOLE LIFE! Why did I have to give away my hearts desire! WHY!?!!?! Everyone tells me it wasn't my time. HOw the hell can you say that to someone who spent the last nine months LOVING the child in her. It's not her time!!?!???! SUCK IT!
And how does MATT deny that Henslee is his. She looks identical to him. AAHHHH WHEN DOES IT STOP HURTING?!?!?!?!?