Feelings of Love

This morning I woke up and well I decided to read my patriarchal blessing. I read it and noticed some things that apply to me right now. "At times you will have burdens that are seemingly too great, if you pray he will hear and answer those prayers." So I hopped out of bed and prayed, again. I prayed to be okay with this all. To get better (because I have strep throat right now), and most of all to be forgiven for the mistakes I've made. I cried a lot, and a lot, and a lot. But then I got on the Maughan's blog and saw a video. I know they love me, and I know I can go to them with anything, but I'm scared. They're busy and they're moving and trying to live their life. I don't want to interrupt. I want it to be their life. But I do want to see her. I love my little girl so much. At group somebody asked what it was like after you placed her. Like did u feel like an aunt, sister, friend, or what. I said that it feels like your the mom still, just a mom that doesn't take care of them. I want to expand on that. I also feel like her guardian angel. Because I am watching her from a distance. I am blessing her life from afar. and if she EVER needed anything I would be right there to give it to her. I am her guardian angel and always will be there for her. I use to sing to her the song guardian angel while she was in my stomach. I wonder if I sang it again, if she would remember.
Time to go to church, I cry a lot at church. I hope I don't cry today.
P.S. I'm scared for mother's day. I have to nanny :(