I am so gratefull for my open adoption!!!! This past week has been amazing!! I drove up to Utah with my boyfriend and one of the nights we stayed in Logan (Nibbley) with Henslee's gradparents! They are the mosdt amazing people ever! It was so fun getting to know their family and learning about Henslee's parents. I feel as if i am part of the family and am so gratful to them for ALL they do for me. I am SOOO spoiled!!! I know that Henslee will always be well taken care of and I know she is loved by SOOO many people. If it wasn't for an open adoption I would never have gotten to see that to the extent that I have. I'll post more pictures soon. She grows daily! I love her so much!
This blog has helped me clear my head a ton through this process. I think that I will probably write less and less now that my life is moving in a different direction. I honestly can say I never thought this day would come. I thought that I would always have a hurt and a pain for Henslee. That is not true. It's not a hurt and a pain. It's a love that has no ending! She still means the world to me and always will. I asked to go see her on Thursday because I needed to clear my head. It's weird, but when I'm with her the stresses of life just go away. I can see much clearer looking at her. Because when I look at her I see what life is about. It helps me. I had a hard Friday night because I found out that my best friend got herself into the same situation I was in 16 months ago. She is pregnant. It made my mind go back to all the emotions I felt through the process. It hurt to know that I am going to have to see her suffer and know what it's like and not be able to help in anyway. She seems way stronger then I was though and I know that she will be okay. I was angry that I had to help her at first because I felt that I wasn't strong enough. I then got an overpowering feeling that I was strong enough and that it was my duty to help her through this. I sure hope that I do. She is my best friend.
It's been a while since I have posted. I have been super busy with a ton of work and stuff. This week has been awesome!! I got to see Henslee TWICE this past week!!! I called her parents on Wed. after work because I really wanted to visit her this weekend and they said of course!!! So I was planning on seeing her on Saturday. Then the next day I get a text randomly saying that they were on my side of town and seeing what I was doing. It was the greatest surprise EVER!!!! I got to see her Thursday! Then on Saturday they had to come down again and I got to see her AGAIN!! I am the luckiest girl EVER!!! Her parents are absolutely amazing and I am so grateful for them!! I seriously am so happy that they are her parents. I couldn't ask for a better adoptive couple!!
On a side note there is somethings that have been bugging me. I have been dating this boy and we are getting serious. He has known about Henslee from day one and when he speaks about her my heart melts. She has never been an issue and never will be an issue, but this past week I have had to deal with his family finding out. It as been hard on me to realize how many lives this has effected and will effect forever. It hurts to see him talk to his family about it because they just can't understand. They talk to him about how he needs to be careful because he is a return missionary and wants to get married in the temple and how dating me he needs to set boundaries and stuff. I am thankful for all that information and I am glad that they care, but then again I also feel like they are saying this stuff again and again because they know I have had issues in the past with the law of chastity. I think i'm probably just taking offense to nothing, but I feel as if because I have had a kid they are being extra hard on us. I wish they could understand some of the pain that I went through. I don't think they understand that I made a mistake just like thousands of others, got pregnant and did what I felt was best for her. I fell like all they see is the fact that I had sex. I don't even know if this is making any sense, but I am hurting because I want them to understand the sacrifice that I have made, not just the choice I made. I don't want to be judged for what I did. I want people to understand that from the choice I made came a beautiful thing and made me SO STRONG!!! I want them to see me for who I am not what I did. People just have a hard time though, and it really sucks because I am madly in love with this guy and these people will most likely become my family in the future. I hope one day they understand the sacrifice I made, not just the mistake.