Thursday, February 25, 2010

I've seen better days

I get to go see Little Miss Henslee tomorrow and I CAN'T WAIT!!! but i'm way nervous because i'm pmsing and am scared that if Henslee cries again when i hold her i will just start crying. I'm sitting here typing this and crying thinking about it!!!! I want her to know me and know that I LOVE HER more then anything in the world. I wish she would know that. I hope one day she will know that. I love her. I'm scared for the future.

I have been getting so many blessings lately. I know the Lord is mindful of me, but i still have this huge hole in my heart. I wish there was a plug i could put into it.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

momma's girl

Henslee cries when i hold her.
She only wants to be in her moms arms
She doesn't remember me.
It hurts... :(
I miss her.
I wish she could remember my voice
I sometimes think that she's so clingy because of me. Like she didn't hear my familiar voice for a while when she went home with Jesse and Jaymie so now she's scared that she is going to be taken away from them. It's all my fault for everything. Oh how I wish she was still in my arms. I wish she would cry to come back to my arms. I know she is not mine. It just hurts....

Life is going well for me and I know that there will be a happier ending for me one day, but right now i'm hurting.